ardent

Before I lose my mind

Venom



Plague

Ashen
Ashigaru

Advanced Fighter (95)
Intermediate Intellectual (40)
age
2 Years
gender
Male
gems
252
size
Extra large
build
Medium
posts
121
player
Shelby

Halloween 2020 - Haunted House
01-12-2021, 01:14 AM (This post was last modified: 01-12-2021, 01:15 AM by Plague.)


He lingered in the forest near the shrine following his sister's ceremony that presented her children to the world, watching the rest of the pack interact with them from a distance. He had slipped away as soon as the main festivities were finished, if that was even the right word for them. With a heavy sigh he turned away from them and continued on through the pale trees, slowly wandering back toward his den to continue working on repairing his armor just to give himself a task to keep his mind from spiraling into a place it shouldn't be. Going to the ceremony had been expected of him and so he had attended, but it wasn't without some silent turmoil. It should have been a time for celebration and in a way it was, but it was also a reminder of his own unresolved problems and fears.

His paw curled around the smaller stone an he distracted himself with rubbing a stone over the dented, pitted leather of his bracer watching the surface begin to smooth with each pass. He had hoped that this would keep his thoughts contained, but that seemed impossible. Toxicity was fulfilling her role as a dutiful, devout Abraxas. She had brought beautiful pups into this world and was clearly going above and beyond to ensure that their teachings would go on to another generation. There was no doubt that his other sisters would eventually follow suit in their own time, following their father's lessons and bringing more pieces of their god into their empire...

Where did that leave him? Struggling to keep up, vying for their approval and falling short every time, failing to match his family's expectations. His jaw tightened and the motions of his paw against the leather slowed to a stop. Glimpses of his memories of Void flickered through his mind and he had to be careful to keep any of his emotions from showing through to his expression. It had to be worth it. Failing all of them, it had to be worth it. The feeling he had when he was with Void... It had to be worth it. With another sigh he pushed the stone away and turned the armor over to look at it from the other side, his stern expression emotionless while he pretended to examine the leather between his paws.

Talk




Venom

Ashen
Empress

Master Fighter (245)
Master Intellectual (240)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
3088
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
502
player
KatG6

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01-12-2021, 11:31 AM
She couldn’t ignore how stiff and uncertain Plague was during the duration of the ceremony. He didn’t do anything out of the ordinary but Venom still had the desire to find him afterwards. She wanted so badly to bring her full brother back into the fold, but he’d been so.. stoic. She didn’t want to say secretive but he spent much of his time alone still. Venom couldn’t deny how much she worried about him, just like her siblings she wanted to see him grow and flourish just like she knew he could. He easily had the potential it was just getting him out of his shell and into the place that would allow him to flourish.

Venom followed him into the white trees of the forest, eventually finding her brother sitting and working on his armor. He looked like he had at the ceremony, like there was too much on his mind and he had no one to tell it to. Quietly the young Empress slithered to his side and lowered her thin frame beside him. She said nothing, but gently nuzzled into his neck, he could talk if he wanted to. Venom wouldn’t press him but she would offer her presence in case. Venom wanted to be here for when her brother struggled with life just as much as she felt that she was.
[Image: ven-sig.png]



Plague

Ashen
Ashigaru

Advanced Fighter (95)
Intermediate Intellectual (40)
age
2 Years
gender
Male
gems
252
size
Extra large
build
Medium
posts
121
player
Shelby

Halloween 2020 - Haunted House
01-12-2021, 08:50 PM


Plague was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice his sister's presence until she was at his side. He didn't quite jump, but she did startle him enough for his gaze to dart toward her and for his shoulders to tense a bit, but as soon as he saw who it was he relaxed again. "Venom," he commented softly in a short sort of greeting before letting his gaze slip back to the leather armor in front of him. When she nuzzled into his neck his expression didn't change, but the flick of his ears and his subconscious lean into her touch gave away how it affected him. His chest squeezed uncomfortably, but he didn't pull away from her. He couldn't meet her gaze though he wished he had the courage to do so.

Was his behavior noticeable enough for her to feel like she had to come to him like this? He supposed it must been. Why else would she do this? He had tried so hard to at the very least hide his emotions, but that had clearly been at the expense of connecting with his family and pack. Keeping to himself was the opposite of what he had wanted to be doing, but he wasn't sure how else to cope. He was quiet for some time, his conflicting and complicated thoughts only swirling exponentially out of control the longer he laid there with Venom against his side. When he did speak he did his best to keep the emotion from his voice, though he wasn't sure if he was entirely successful. "Do you think... Do you still..." Where did he even begin? As he tried to form the questions none of them felt right.

"Do you still believe all of father's lessons?" he asked softly, flipping the armor over again absently just to keep his paws working on something to offer his mind a slight distraction. It wasn't necessarily as direct as he could have been and certainly wasn't a direct way to discuss the most pressing issue, but it was still something that he had begun to wonder even before he crossed paths with Void. A conflict of interests mixed with a loss of confidence topped with not knowing who or what he was... Finding his feelings for the man that wore a coat of stars was just the tipping point to send it all crashing down.

Talk




Venom

Ashen
Empress

Master Fighter (245)
Master Intellectual (240)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
3088
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
502
player
KatG6

Halloween 2020 - Witches HutGold Medal 2020Valentines 2020Dream WeaverVolcanoCritical Hit!
Christmas 2019Trick 2019Costume Contest 2019Promptober 2019
01-12-2021, 09:15 PM
He hadn’t expected her, but she was only reassured that she had indeed fully recovered and her steps were silent once more. He didn’t take long to relax against her and greet her softly as his attention fixated on the armor at his paws. Venom’s unprofessional demeanor was supposed to put him at ease, but Plague certainly didn’t seem relaxed. Even more so his constant movements and focus on his armor told her his mind was racing. She could only guess, and even then it was a poor one. Plague was secretive and private, and Venom wouldn’t admit to knowing him well beyond his skill.

That he spoke to her, and though hesitantly, started to let himself explain. Or try to, he stuttered for a moment before his question was completed. She leaned more fully against him, having nowhere to be in the near future she could devote all the time in the world to her brother. What had him so tight and worried, especially after meeting their nieces and nephew. ”Yes, for the most part.” She answered gently. She’d had dreams of their father and a glimpse of life after death. She wasn’t sure what all she truly believed but the teachings were at least guidelines. Something it seemed life lacked in many instances.

He was obviously worried, even if he tried hard to hide it. ”Which one… what about them has you worried?” She pressed lightly, her voice soft as she let up on how heavily she leaned against him, giving him room to breath and potentially escape if need be.
[Image: ven-sig.png]



Plague

Ashen
Ashigaru

Advanced Fighter (95)
Intermediate Intellectual (40)
age
2 Years
gender
Male
gems
252
size
Extra large
build
Medium
posts
121
player
Shelby

Halloween 2020 - Haunted House
01-13-2021, 04:12 PM


Plague wished that it was easy to explain what was going on in his mind. Logically he knew that it really was just as simple as coming out and saying it, but the possible repercussions of that truth held him back. He selfishly wanted everything. He wanted to be able to love who he wanted to love unapologetically and still feel like he was able to be the wolf he was born to be. He wanted to hold on to that power that being part of this family meant and help his sister rise to the glory that he knew she could attain, but the fear of how they might view him once the truth came to light and his short comings revealed themselves then he may no longer seen the same in their eyes.

He gave a small, solemn nod when Venom replied that she did still believe their father's teachings. He was curious to know what she meant by "for the most part" and wondered what sort of doubts she might have, but he wouldn't ask. The fact that he was questioning them as much as he was already made him feel like a heretic against his family - he didn't want to cause any more doubt or confusion in his sister as well. It was enough to have one of them that had fallen away from the path without them both suffering the same fate.

"Which one... what about them has you worried?" That was really the question, wasn't it? The question that he didn't know how to answer and wasn't sure he wanted to. "Most of them," he answered quietly after a heavy moment of silence, his ears folding back against his skull though his face continued to hold that carefully crafted, stoic expression that he hid everything behind. A soft sigh passed his lips and he pushed the armor away to force himself to look away from the distraction. "I... I guess the most concerning part... He always put so much emphasis on having children. What if... What if the wolf I love can't bare children? Does that mean I've failed?" His expression finally cracked, his brows pulling together with concern and a frown pulling at his lips.

Talk




Venom

Ashen
Empress

Master Fighter (245)
Master Intellectual (240)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
3088
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
502
player
KatG6

Halloween 2020 - Witches HutGold Medal 2020Valentines 2020Dream WeaverVolcanoCritical Hit!
Christmas 2019Trick 2019Costume Contest 2019Promptober 2019
01-13-2021, 04:56 PM
Venom had her own doubts and worries that she hid from the world, much like Plague there was conflict behind conflict in her mind. She knew that life beyond this plane was possible, she’d talked to their father on multiple occasions now. However Venom never truly felt loyal to the god they were descended from. If she was a goddess herself then why was it expected of her to worship and follow another god? How many of the teachings, when confronted with them in reality, would she refuse to invoke and make her own choice? Those were the difficult questions to answer, and if she struggled to decipher and decide why would she expect Plague to be any different.

She nuzzled back into his fur from the chill of the air as he answered hesitantly. Concerned about his own place in becoming a father and continuing their line. What if he fell for someone that couldn’t conceive? ”I wouldn’t dwell much on hypotheticals right now.” She offered quietly. ”Perhaps your wife can’t conceive, there are many healers in the Armada, maybe its nothing but a bit of effort that could get you puppies. There’s always a surrogate slave or something…” She pondered softly but felt like she was going into excess. ”Until we can expand our borders I’m not sure we’ll be able to welcome any new Abraxas.” Venom reached up to kiss his cheek. ”Right now it's enough to have you here to rely on, you've not failed anyone.”
[Image: ven-sig.png]



Plague

Ashen
Ashigaru

Advanced Fighter (95)
Intermediate Intellectual (40)
age
2 Years
gender
Male
gems
252
size
Extra large
build
Medium
posts
121
player
Shelby

Halloween 2020 - Haunted House
01-19-2021, 01:45 PM


If nothing else, he appreciated Venom's reassurance. Even though she didn't fully catch the implications of his question, there were some things he thought that perhaps might still be of some use to him in the future. He hadn't considered the possibility of a surrogate, though that would truly hinge on weather he and Void reached a point where they wanted to raise children... it was still so early in this relationship that he had no way of knowing how long it would last or if he could even call it a relationship yet. All he knew was that everything was pulling him toward the Destruction male and every fiber of his being wanted to give in to the personal desires that he had suppressed for so long.

However, something that he could actually focus on and find comfort in was the fact that no one would be looking to him to produce children until they were able to make room for them anyway. It was a bandage of a solution, but it did relieve a bit of pressure from his shoulders. Besides, whenever they did eventually expand their borders, he was certain that he wouldn't be the first to begin filling that space. Surely Venom would want to set the stage for the next heirs to their empire and perhaps Toxicity would want children soon as well... he could be the last of their siblings to add to their family and that fact at least bought him some time.

The kiss she left on his cheek brought his gaze over to hers and her kind words pulled his lips into a small, slightly sad smile. He wanted to be someone she could rely on almost more than anything else in the world and just to hear that he hadn't failed them did help relieve some of the stress from his shoulders. His head dipped a bit to be able to nuzzle into her neck with a sigh while he silently wondered if she would react the same if she knew the whole truth. Beyond his family's expectation that he should carry on the Abraxas line, he just didn't know what her reaction would be. His biggest fear was to see disappointment in Venom's eyes when she looked at him, but what was worse - seeing that disappointment and having to work harder to regain her approval, or living a lie and a double life to keep his secret hidden for as long as possible?

He couldn't lie to her... not to Venom. She was in a select few that he couldn't maintain that hard exterior when he was around her. His sisters and Void were perhaps the only wolves on this plane that could do that to him. When he lifted his head from her neck again he was quiet for another moment as he studied his paws. "What if... what if it's not a wife?" he asked with a heavy hesitation, glancing toward her but not able to really meet her gaze. He thought his heart might beat right out of his chest from the nervousness he felt while he braced for whatever response might come.

Talk




Venom

Ashen
Empress

Master Fighter (245)
Master Intellectual (240)

age
2 Years
gender
Female
gems
3088
size
Extra large
build
Light
posts
502
player
KatG6

Halloween 2020 - Witches HutGold Medal 2020Valentines 2020Dream WeaverVolcanoCritical Hit!
Christmas 2019Trick 2019Costume Contest 2019Promptober 2019
01-19-2021, 04:07 PM
She could feel Plague relax if only subtly as she tried her best to put him at ease. Venom knew he had high expectations of himself, how could he not if he was so stressed about what it took to be successful. She wouldn’t ask him to perform any duties he felt himself uncomfortable with, she’d ask him to attempt to get to that point someday, but certainly not right now. Their eyes met as she spoke to him and then pressed a loving kiss on his cheek before Plague buried his features into her neck. Venom leaned against him, glad to be here for him to rely on as much as the inverse was true. She loved him deeply and wanted Plague to find his way back into the fold. He was already doing so well, she saw him put his heart and soul into training. She saw the devotion in his eyes.

Plague pulled away and the young Empress returned her sunset gaze to him. There was something there, just beyond his eyes that she could see building up. Venom nuzzled his muzzle with brief encouragement as the words left his lips. She was stunned for a moment, mostly because she hadn’t realized what he meant the first go around. Then a little shameful that she’d forced him to be so blunt with her. She appreciated his strength even more. Venom’s lips pulled back in a hint of a grin as she leaned forward to put her head beneath his chin and lift his head.

”If you wish for a husband… I’ll… we’ll figure out something. I want your happiness.” Venom vowed to him softly. She had her own struggles when it came to the commandment to breed. Far from as devoted as Toxicity was, she tried to forge her own way, to hold close to her desires but please their god as well. She knew how conflicting emotions could be, especially for those you cared about. ”You mean so much more to me than how many offspring you can produce.” She chuckled softly and nuzzled into his neck.
[Image: ven-sig.png]